- People who use the phrase 'real music' (e.g. 'Now Led Zeppelin, that was real music, not like your modern electronic nonsense where all you have to do is press a button.') Please stop talking to me and go away.
- People who dislike Oasis 'except for Definitely Maybe, that was a classic debut'. Not it wasn't. It was rubbish.
- 'UK tours' that don't include any dates in Wales. The bridge isn't that expensive, guys.
- Bands who reward you for showing up to their gigs by ordering you about (e.g. 'Come and stand closer to the stage! You are allowed to dance, you know!')
- The song Don't Stop Believin' by Journey.
- The fact that I can't listen to a Busted album without remembering that they publicly endorsed the Conservative Party in 2004.
- The fact that I can't listen to a Meat Loaf album without remembering that he publicly endorsed Mitt Romney in 2012.
- My own very irritating tendency to let a musician's political views affect my enjoyment of their music.
- The fact that you have to log into Spotify in order to listen to a Spotify playlist that's embedded in a blog post/article. SoundCloud doesn't fuck us about like this, and SoundCloud LOVES fucking people about, I'm told.
- Hidden tracks that are separated from the actual listed track by 5 or 10 minutes of silence. Bonus hate if the hidden track is actually any good (I'm looking at you, Jarvis Cocker's Cunts are Still Running the World) because I might have wanted to put it in a playlist or a mix or something, y'know?
- Drummers who insist on using a jillion different cymbals, toms, et cetera, even if the song doesn't really call for it (and no song really calls for it). You know what impresses me? Drummers who can take a knackered snare drum, a knackered floor tom, and a knackered crash cymbal and make it work nevertheless. Surrounding yourself with unnecessary add-ons just reminds me of that spoilt fucker I knew in high school who was given a very large, very expensive drumkit that he had no idea how to play.
- Vinyl records. Granted, they're sexier than CDs, and maybe the sound quality is slightly better, but neither of those perks compensate for the format's many shortcomings. Vinyl costs more, takes up more space, damages with infuriating ease, and can't be ripped to your computer unless you invest in a certain piece of hardware. Oh, and you have to get up and flip the record over if you want to listen to a whole album. Nuts to vinyl.
- The way everyone fawns over The Beatles. Never did all that much for me. Ticket to Ride is good, I guess. And I like some of the tracks on Abbey Road. But I don't see why they're still - decades later - held up as The Best Band of All Time.
- Bands who pander to the 'real music' people I mentioned earlier and make a killing with their 'save rock 'n' roll!' rhetoric and their ho-hum, nothing-to-say rock songs that people blindly lap up because they were made with electric guitars instead of laptops.
- The presence of Pet Sounds near the top of every 'best albums' list I've ever read. I remember listening to it a few times and just finding it so absurdly dull.
- That moist clicking sound that you can hear on some records because the singer stood too close to the microphone and it picked up every tiny noise their mouth was making. It feels like you're pouring yesterday's gravy in my ear - please stop.
- Band apparel nazis. 'That girl's wearing a Ramones T-shirt! I bet she's never even listened to the Ramones!' Fuck off.
- The almost entirely meaningless 5-star scoring system beloved of so many music publications.
- People who start petitions just because an artist they don't like is headlining a music festival.
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
20 Things I Hate
Inspired by this blog post. Mine's far shorter and a bit more music-specific than Fourfoot's, though. And unlike Fourfoot, I haven't bothered to put mine in any particular order.